 "Sometimes life changes in ways you can’t control. Sometimes strong is your only choice. Sometimes the support and resources you need are just not available. Sometimes you have to let go of things you want because your capacity is limited. It feels dark, and overwhelmingly heavy most of the time. Your life may need to remain small so you can focus on what’s most important in order to survive, to heal, to transform. Putting one foot in front of the other. Focusing on one step, one moment at a time. Radical acceptance and surrender may be your only means of maintaining any sense of peace." Diana Lee
For me one thing is for sure, I was led into my journey towards healing by a force that was beyond my control. Things unfolded in my life that I wasn’t able to see coming and nothing I did to change it or deny it did anything but cause me more more pain. The only thing that kept me going was a deep knowing that things were happening on purpose and I had to keep showing up. Unfortunately life often has to become really uncomfortable in order for us to face the things we’ve been running from. This journey can be compared to the process of giving birth. Intense moments of contraction where you are forced into the darkest parts of your subconscious in order to come face to face with suppressed trauma, grief, or painful beliefs. All of this is happening while you are still having to show up for your life and all the responsibilities that come with it. The process of peeling back layers to get to the lost parts of ourselves can often feel like we are about to break. I started to recognize this pattern of contraction and tried to help prepare myself for them. When you start to contract the fear takes over and it can be impossible not to resist. I was learning the art of surrender while recognizing my instinctual fight or flight responses. So I wrote myself a reminder to help keep myself anchored during these deep dives. Here is what I wrote to read to myself when I felt I was contracting inward. “It’s going to pull you in tight. The panic and resistance will be overwhelming. You will feel like you have to protect yourself from everything outside of you. Your mind is going to spin, it won’t be able to make sense of what’s happening. It will be instinct to run, fix, escape. It will be hard to see the purpose. Anger, fear, heartache, will be bubbling right at the surface. You’ll be looking through a distorted lens that will make everything around you look daunting and unsafe. Your reactivity will be uncontrollable. Everything will look and feel like it’s the worst thing in the world. Breathe into each moment. Focus on one moment at a time pausing with your breath. This would not be happening if it wasn’t necessary. You do not need to have all the answers. Let the wave take you where you need to go. You are not just doing this for your own evolution, you move through this for your girls and for all of humanity. Experience the depths of despair that exists on this planet. Feel it fully for everyone who can’t face it. Let go of everything that is not important in each moment and keep yourself grounded in what’s absolutely necessary and right in front of you. Be with and fully in the disconnection and discomfort” Reading this now I recognized what a powerful act of self love this was. I remember how much it helped me stay a bit more centered when things were getting stirred up. It helps me even to this day. I share this in hopes it may help someone else who is facing a similar path. We often suffer in silence feeling like we are the only ones experiencing this and it may feel like no one wants to hear about the darkness that comes with trying to heal and reconnect with our deepest selves. I have so much more to share even if it’s just so someone can read it and feel less alone. There are moments of light as you navigate this dark tunnel and I promise you that if you keep going the light will become more and more frequent and brighter as you reclaim your most powerful, radiant self.
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 Are you feeling it? I am! The full moon has affected me since I was a child. I would just be awake all night just before or during a full moon. My oldest daughter has also been affected by the full moon. Nowadays I work in an elementary school and the approaching full moon is always quite obvious. Sometimes it makes my energy vibrate. Along with paying attention to what the energy might be bringing up, here are some things I do to help me move through the intense energy.
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August 2024
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